Fearless Flight
by Bookwrm389
Summary: Sequel to Children of Helios. "Never regret thy fall, O Icarus of the fearless flight. For the greatest tragedy of them all is never to feel the burning light." RoyEd.


_A.N. Sequel to Children of Helios. I'm such a liar. Here I was telling those who reviewed the first story that a sequel was unlikely, and now look at what I've done. I sincerely hope this is the last RoyEd plot bunny to come to my door. These two are freaking hard to write even on a good day.  
_

_PLEASE READ CHILDREN OF HELIOS FIRST! Otherwise this will be very confusing since I'm building off of what happened in the first story. But I know there are those who will ignore the warning and dive right in headfirst (much like a certain short-tempered blond kid) so I did my best to write this in a way that would make sense for everybody. _

_Warnings! This takes place in Brotherhood around episode 30-ish, but there are end-of-series spoilers as well. This also contains an explicit scene, but I REFUSE to acknowledge it as a lemon since the R-rated portion is, for the most part, implied._

Fearless Flight

_"Never regret thy fall,  
O Icarus of the fearless flight,_

_For the greatest tragedy of them all  
Is never to feel the burning light."_

The streets of Central were not the most desirable place to be on a cold winter night. Not even Roy's heaviest coat could shelter him from the bitter wind cutting between the buildings, bringing the scent of ice and damp asphalt, and his boots constantly slipped and skidded on puddles of slush until they were soaked through. The people around him didn't even give him a chance to regain his balance before they were pushing past him and striding away for destinations unknown, backs hunched and collars up against the first flurries of snowflakes spiraling down to earth.

Roy cupped his hands and breathed into them as he crossed an intersection and jogged up to the apartment complex where he lived, wishing he had thought to wear a scarf to ward off the nip in the air. He just couldn't become accustomed to walking to and from headquarters. He was so used to having Hawkeye drive him every morning and evening that he never thought to account for the weather...

Hawkeye...

A layer of frost coated Roy's heart at the thought of his lieutenant. No, no longer _his_ but Bradley's. Little more than a hostage to keep Roy in line.

Roy clenched his fingers, restraining the insane urge to snap and set all his surroundings on fire. He could do nothing about it right now. He had made contact with Grumman, gathered and informed what few allies he still possessed, but until their side had more information, more strength, they couldn't make a single move against the homunculi without losing more lives that they could not afford to lose.

Fullmetal knew more about their plans, Roy was positive. He and his brother were right in the thick of it. _Sacrifices_, they were called, and Roy didn't at all care for the term. It made him think of stone alters and cowled figures and gleaming knives over exposed necks...

"Geez, you look like you're ready to murder someone."

"Fullmetal?" Roy said in surprise, turning to face the small, slouched figure in the shadow of the building. Bright, piercing eyes watched him from the shelter of a hood attached to a black coat entirely out of keeping with his usual attire. It was somber and subtle, almost _sensible_, completely unheard of for the ostentatious teen. A long, white scarf was twined around his neck, matching his gloves.

"Gonna let us in or what?" Ed said impatiently. A tendril of hair escaped the hood and glimmered in the light of the streetlamp when he jerked his head at the door. "It's fucking freezing out here."

Roy only hesitated briefly before nodding and opened the door. Ed entered the dim foyer right on his heels and then looked back expectantly.

"Second floor," Roy said tersely, irritated when Ed went tramping up the stairs before he could get another word out. Unspoken questions and speculation made his head buzz as he ascended, stepping carefully around the puddles left in the kid's wake. What could Ed possibly want that couldn't be dealt with in the neutral territory of the office? Unless this visit had something to do with Bradley and the other homunculi, but that just made him even more apprehensive.

The lights sputtered and went out just as they reached the second floor, plunging the corridor into darkness. He heard Ed halt, and Roy touched his elbow as he passed. "It's just a bit farther."

Ed tapped his foot impatiently while he waited for Roy to unlock the door of his apartment, and once it was open he breezed right past him, utterly bypassing all precepts of civility and respect for privacy. Shrewd eyes took in the small living space in one cursory glance and he made a beeline for the fireplace. Roy watched him stoke the ashes with a poker until he unearthed a few precious glowing coals, which were then carefully fed with bits of kindling until it had grown to a steady blaze.

"Ed, why are you here?" Roy asked finally, unable to take the suspense any longer. "What's this about? Is it something to do with the Fuhrer?"

"Do you have any candles?" Ed asked as though he had not heard. Roy pursed his lips in annoyance and dug a few lumpy tapers from a drawer. Ed accepted them without a word and carefully lit them, setting them one by one on the mantle. He took the time to unwind the scarf from his neck and peel off his gloves, stuffing them into the pockets of his coat before removing that as well. The firelight picked out the highlights in his hair, rendering both it and the white button-up shirt he wore a rich, lustrous bronze.

Roy averted his gaze when he noticed Ed's look, just a little more knowing than he would have liked. He certainly didn't make a habit of ogling his youngest subordinate, but there was no denying that there were moments when it was warranted. Ed just wasn't like others his age. There was something very _unique _about him, vivid eyes and alchemical genius notwithstanding. Other people noticed it, too—the aura, the faintest trace of the otherworldly that was stamped on him like a scarlet letter. Roy had seen other commanders watching "his" prodigy with covetous eyes and jealous sneers, wishing Fullmetal's talent and allure were _theirs_, and he had been forced to intercede a time or two to protect the boy from those who would take advantage of him.

But Roy would be lying if he claimed he was immune to what they saw.

Ed looked away first, moving off to drape his coat over the nearest armchair. Roy cleared his throat. "Where's Alphonse?" he asked, aware that he should have been asking this question from the beginning.

"Back at the dorms," Ed replied without inflection. "He doesn't need to be here for this."

"Fullmetal..."

"How's Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

The quiet, earnest concern in Ed's voice stopped him in his tracks. Roy shot the rising flames in the grate a sour look. "As well as can be expected. But if I make one wrong move..."

"Eventually, we'll _have _to make a move," Ed said ominously. "That's...that's kind of why I'm here. I thought you should know that Al and I are going up north tomorrow, to look for that Xingese girl."

"For your bodies?"

"Among other things," Ed said with a playful quirk to his lips, but the smile was gone almost immediately. "Her alkahestry might be the best weapon we have against that bearded bastard and the other homunculi. None of us can afford to just sit quietly and let them have their way with this country. Someday, all this is going to come to a head and we have to be ready for it. We have to be at our best."

Roy shook his head impatiently. "If you came here just to tell me _that_..."

"Of course not! Just let me get this out, okay?"

Roy paused, taken aback by the edgy retort. Nervous tension rolled off of Ed in waves, and the red staining his cheeks couldn't only be due to the proximity of the fire. He shifted from foot to foot, constantly peeking over Roy's shoulder at the door as though he wanted to leave but didn't dare.

"We all need to be at our best," Ed repeated, shooting him an unreadable look. "Fighting wise and...alchemy wise."

"Ed, I don't..."

"Do you remember a few months back?" Ed went on in a rush. "When we were snowed in at East City headquarters? When I came to your office and...you remember, right?"

Roy's eyes widened at the reminder and he swallowed, mouth gone suddenly dry when the memory of that evening washed over him. The lights out, the snow falling thick, the scent of woodsmoke and wax. And Ed stumbling into his office, illuminated only by firelight and a few candles just as he was now. He had been bruised and battered from a run-in with Gran. It was not the first time someone had attempted to convince Ed to transfer to another command, but that _had_ marked the first time simple persuasion had given way to real violence. There had been an argument, harsh words and honest terror at the thought of someone stealing this aureate child away from him, leaving Roy earthbound and powerless.

And then...

But that kiss had been a mistake. A stupid, irresponsible, _breathtaking _mistake. And it had taken Roy until that moment to realize that what attracted him to the boy was nothing so paltry and tangible as physical lust. That night, he had looked into Ed's eyes and caught a glimpse of _something else _watching him from behind gilded irises. Something that had been there since the night he and Al transmuted their mother, a presence that had torn that small body apart and carved out a refuge in his very soul.

And whatever it was, Roy _wanted _it like he had never wanted anything else. More than the Fuhrership, more than any woman. To have this boy, this _being_, within his power in _any _capacity was nothing short of wondrous.

"You remember."

"Yes," Roy said hoarsely. "What about that?"

Ed grimaced a little and fixed his gaze on the hearth. "Don't get the wrong idea," he muttered. "I know why you did what you did. I _know_, okay? It wasn't because of me. It was...something else, right?"

Roy nodded weakly, trying his damndest to quell the feeling of dread in his gut. He had a terrible feeling he knew where Ed was going with this, and he hoped with every fiber of his being that he was wrong. He _had _to be wrong...

"I don't know what it is either," Ed said quietly, touching his chest. "I don't know if the Gate left a part of itself inside me or if I just have some kind of permanent connection with it or what. But it's always there, always with me. I've got a theory that's why me and Al have been marked as 'sacrifices' while normal alchemists are only 'candidates'."

Then he turned a sharp gaze on Roy. "You caught a glimpse of it that night. And don't lie. Al told me about what you did to that homunculus, Lust, and you have way more power and discipline than you did before. When you...when you kissed me, you were connected to the Gate, if only for a moment, and the contact augmented your alchemy. I've no idea why it works that way, but...but if one kiss could get you that much..."

_Then imagine what you could gain with _more_ than a kiss_...

Roy sucked in a deep breath and let it out, slowly. "Let me see if I understand you, Fullmetal," he said in a low voice. "You expect me to _sleep with you _just to learn a few arrays?"

"No, I _expect_ you to do whatever it takes to protect the people you care about," Ed shot back. He crossed his arms, chin lifted in defiance. "Look, I know it sounds a little crazy..."

"A _little?_" Roy sputtered, deeply disturbed by how casually Ed was treating this proposition. And how very tempted he was to take it. "What you're suggesting is completely out of the question! I'm twice your age—"

"My birthday's in a couple of weeks..."

Roy brought his fist down on the mantle, making the candles waver. "Damn it, that's not the _point!_ I won't do it! Not for _any _reason."

"Not even for Lieutenant Hawkeye? Or Havoc or Fuery, or any of your men?"

That stopped him cold. "Don't bring them into this," Roy said through gritted teeth. "I'm already doing everything I can..."

"And yet you won't take this chance to become a better alchemist for their sake," Ed retorted. "You know, anyone else would kill for the chance to see the Gate without having to pay the price."

"And are you so sure that I won't have to pay a price, Ed?" Roy challenged. "Or you? Can you look me in the eye and promise me that I won't lose anything in exchange for what you're offering?"

Doubt darkened his expression for a moment and that was enough for Roy. He stalked forward. Ed's eyes widened slightly at the sudden advance and he backed up a pace before Roy seized his arm and marched him to the door. "It's time for you to leave."

"And you won't even consider it?" Ed demanded, wrenching his arm away. "Or are you so confident you can beat Bradley the way you are now? Some half-assed fireworks display isn't going to cut it, Mustang!"

"What did you say?" Roy exclaimed, incredulous. "My alchemy is _not _half-assed!"

"Then how come you end up hiding behind the lieutenant half the time?" Ed goaded snidely. "And the minute the weather turns foul, you can't even light a damn candle. Admit it, you need all the help you can get!"

"You—you _brat—!_"

"What're you gonna do about it?"

Roy stiffened, astonished by the blatant challenge. He jerked the door open and flung Ed out into the hallway so violently that he stumbled and fell to his knees. "I'm not going to do anything. I'm not so desperate that I would resort to bedding a _child_, Fullmetal."

The distressing combination of rage and hurt on Ed's face made his heart twist painfully, but Roy slammed the door anyway and locked it. Maybe a healthy dose of humiliation would make him think twice before he so impulsively acted on such a tenuous theory. Roy leaned against the nearest wall and rubbed his eyes, trying to quell this ridiculous feeling of bereavement. He had done the right thing. There was no reason for regret, none at all.

The doorknob rattled. "_My coat, I need my coat! Come on, Mustang, you can't be THAT much of a bastard! It's a blizzard out there!_"

Roy glanced at the window, hoping he could brush off Ed's words as mere exaggeration. But no, damn it all, the snow was really coming down now. He couldn't even see the streetlamps, and Ed was already vulnerable to the cold due to his automail. Roy seized the offending garment and stomped back to the door, perfectly prepared to toss it into the hallway and lock Ed out again.

But the moment he opened the door, Ed darted across the threshold and rammed him with his shoulder, knocking him clean off his feet. Roy heard the door bang shut and pushed himself up on his elbows to stare at the teen in outrage. "Ed—!"

His words were cut off when Ed suddenly straddled him, flung his arms around his neck and pressed their lips together. For about two seconds, Roy remained frozen, so stunned and horrified by how wrong this situation was that he couldn't even move.

For about two seconds.

_Yes..._

Energy sparked at his fingertips and danced on his tongue, begging to be captured and wielded according to _his _will. He was dazed by the sheer intensity of it, power enveloping them and strengthening by the second. His eyes were closed, but Roy was blinded all the same by arrays that hovered just out of sight, deafened by the roar of the very flames he sought to control. And for a split second, he saw it. It was all there, right_ there_ before him, everything he had sought since the moment he opened an alchemy book as a young boy...

Someone gasped against his lips, their breath hot and shaky, and Roy's eyes flew open when he remembered where he was, _who _he was. And who he was with. Somehow, he had ended up on top of Ed with their legs tangled and lips locked. Half the buttons of Ed's shirt were undone, and Roy snatched his hands away from the exposed skin in dismay. He started to pull back, but Ed reached for him with a wordless snarl, trying to draw him back.

"_Enough!_" Roy said furiously, panting as he pushed seeking hands away. "Ed, _listen_ to me! This is not a line that I can cross!"

"You almost did before!" Ed accused him. "You wanted to, I could tell!"

"That," Roy stammered and shook his head. "That doesn't make this okay! The way I behaved that night—"

"I wouldn't have stopped you."

Roy nearly had a heart attack on the spot at those words, and Ed took the chance to seize the collar of his shirt and tug him closer. Gold eyes seemed to glow with their own internal fire, hypnotizing, tempting him to sink into their blazing depths and lose himself forever.

"I wouldn't have stopped you," Ed repeated deliberately. "And I won't stop you now. Please. Colonel, _please_."

Ed leaned forward and hugged him tight around the ribs, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Roy brushed some of his bangs back from his forehead, baffled by the fierce, almost desperate, way Ed was clinging to him. "Why are you so determined to go through with this? Just tell me _why_, Ed."

Hands, flesh and steel, fisted into the fabric of his coat possessively. "_You can't die._ You can't, you _can't_..."

"Die?" Roy repeated. "What are you talking about?"

"He could have killed you," Ed mumbled into his shoulder, breathless with fear. "When the Fuhrer found out how much you knew, he could have...it was only because they need you as a candidate for sacrifice that he let you go. But if they change their minds..."

"I wouldn't go down that easily," Roy said firmly.

"I didn't think Hughes would either!"

Roy's heart contracted painfully, still recovering from the gaping hole left by his best friend. Ed held him tighter, and his expression was one of pure anguish. "What would we do without you?" he said thickly. "What would _me and Al_ do? It was hard enough losing Hughes, but if something happened to you...if you got killed and I could have _done_ something to prevent it, I'd..."

Looking down at him now, Roy felt a rush of almost paternal affection. He wished he knew what to say to erase the shadows from Ed's face, but what reassurance could he possibly offer? There was no guarantee _any _of them would survive the coming months under the Fuhrer's watchful eye. They were all equally trapped, imprisoned by their own hearts with the people they cared about the most in the greatest danger.

For Ed, it was the last of his family. Until now, Roy hadn't believed himself to be counted among those precious few that _could not _be lost. He didn't have much of a family aside from his men, his soldiers. Hughes had been the closest thing to a brother he had ever known.

And Roy knew without even thinking about it that if there had been something he could have done to prevent his friend's murder, he would have done it. He would have performed any deed, given all of himself, sacrificed _anything_ if it meant Hughes would be alive today, still barging into his office with that big, goofy grin, still gushing about his family. Still _there_.

Ed let out a drained sigh, head bowed as he released his commander. "I'll go if you want me to. Should've known you wouldn't go along with this, you uptight bastard..."

He got to his feet and went to collect his coat from the floor, not once looking in Roy's direction. It was only then that Roy remembered his earlier words about heading north. Considering how his missions normally went, he and Al could be months searching for that Xingese girl. So much could happen in such a stretch of time. How much of the homunculi's plans would have reached fruition by the time they returned?

Would Roy even be alive by the time they got back? Or would those boys return to a cold grave and yet another wound to heal?

Ed began to walk around him toward the door, and Roy reached up and gripped his wrist, wincing when his fingertips came in contact with chilled metal instead of skin. Ed stiffened, but didn't pull away as Roy also stood up. "What?" he hissed.

"You're right," Roy said quietly, looking down on his guarded profile. "I _can't_ afford to die now."

Wide eyes locked onto his, overflowing with such a wealth of emotions that Roy knew there was no way Ed could have misconstrued what he was getting at. There was the barest flicker of uncertainty and distrust before both were discarded, replaced by an unyielding determination that, even after all these years, could still take Roy's breath away.

Ed chuckled weakly, tipping his head to the side. "Well," he said and left it at that.

"Nervous?" Roy teased.

"_You're_ the one who should be nervous," Ed snorted in typical, smartass fashion. And he gave a little shrug. "Not like it matters, we're still going through with this. Right?"

Roy had to bite back a semi-hysterical laugh at the stubborn set to his jaw. The truth was that he was having a hard time getting over his own reservations. But...he thought of Hawkeye marching along at Bradley's shoulder, stoic and docile. He thought of his men scattered across the land, hands tied by distance and lack of information, and of all the innocent people this country held, oblivious to the danger.

He thought of himself standing at Hughes' grave, turning the theory of human transmutation over and over in his mind. And Roy remembered well what he had told Hawkeye when she came to his side.

_We alchemists are such hopeless, predictable things... _

When he thought back later, he couldn't remember the short walk to the bedroom or which of them thought to grab a candle to take with them or even who dared to enter first. Ed made some disparaging comment about a lack of notches on the bedpost, which Roy chose not to dignify with a response—at least not the verbal kind. The cold and some lingering reticence compelled them to only undress once they were safely cocooned under the covers of the bed, and another bout of misgiving made Roy hesitate. _He's only a boy,_ his soul cried. _You can't do this to him, can't touch him in this way, it's evil, abhorrent, the worst kind of sin..._

But there was no more time to consider the consequences, to weigh Fullmetal's innocence against his own life and the lives of his men. Now that the decision had been made, it couldn't be taken back. Ed wouldn't let him, and he made _that _perfectly clear. He expected the kid to be embarrassed and timid, even a little scared, but Ed was utterly fearless as Roy drew him close, their indecision thawing and their bodies warming to each other far more quickly and ardently than either of them anticipated.

It was only once they truly began that he again felt the distant, omnipresent touch of the Gate. Its power pervaded every cell in Ed's body, permeating through nerve, vessel and finally skin in eager response to Roy's touch. The hold it had on his soul was such that Roy forgot everything save for the need to reach the unreachable, to touch it, taste it, _know _it. The air took on a sharp, chemical tang, every nerve afire as the last of the barriers between them were ripped away. God, it really _was _like flying for the sun, surging upward to seize that which lay just beyond his grasp. And Ed was right there with him, soaring at his side, higher and higher until...

Ed threw his head back on the pillow with a wild, exultant cry that made Roy's blood burn hotter than ever. Bright lights exploded across his vision, leaving dazzling afterimages in their wake. He could clearly see the tattoo inked into Hawkeye's back, the massive transmutation circle unmarred by the hideous burns he had created. For so long he had believed _that _to be the pinnacle of flame alchemy, perfection incarnate, but now he could see his own naïve blunder. Roy watched as her father's research was unraveled, the minute sigils and graceful curves laid out in their most basic form and then woven back together different than before_, better_ than before. There was so much potential, so much he still didn't know.

But he _would _know it! All that power, all that potential was right at his fingertips, ready for the taking! He only had to reach out and...

_A white void all around him, the sound of two enormous stone doors creaking open... _

Fingernails dug into his back, the body beneath him quivering. "N-no," Ed rasped. "No, he didn't do anything! Don't—!"

_Black hands, voices laughing, a nameless terror building in his gut..._

"Colonel, _no!_"

_PAIN!_

Roy cried out roughly and wrenched himself away, reeling from the sudden onslaught of agony. He clapped both hands over his face and collapsed into a taut, trembling ball. His eyes, oh God, his _eyes!_ It was like someone had pressed red-hot pokers to the lids. He almost expected the skin there to be blistered, blackened, flaking away beneath the lightest touch.

"Mustang!"

He felt Ed try to pry his hands away, stroking his face and pushing damp hair off his forehead. As if that would actually help. Roy buried his face in the mattress, a pained moan catching in his throat as his head began to throb.

"—sorry, I'm so sorry! I swear, if I'd known that would happen...oh _damn _it, just talk to me, Mustang!"

Roy tried, he really did, but he wasn't sure he succeeded very well. His head was still spinning from all that he had seen, all that he had learned, so much crammed into him in such a short time. Molecules deconstructing, atoms swapping electrons, the steady build of energy. It was so _complex_. Even now the details were blurring, scattering...

He gritted his teeth and pushed himself upright, ignoring Ed's cry of alarm. "Wait, don't move yet—!"

"Paper..."

"Huh?"

Roy peeked out from the shelter of his fingers, blinking. Feeble light gradually filtered through his retinas, though his vision was still broken up by light and dark patches that made him dizzy. Ed was right beside him with both hands held out as if to steady him, slick hair plastered to his shoulders and pale with terror. Roy looked away quickly. Even he was too bright to look at. "Paper! Get me paper! There was so much, I h-have to write it down or I'll never remember..."

"You mean you actually saw something?" Ed said in fascination.

"_Ed!_"

"Right, paper!"

He listened to the kid rifle through his possessions, banging drawers shut and swearing every two seconds. Roy shut his eyes and clung desperately to the visions, nearly yanking his hair out in his frustration. If he could just get down the base arrays, the concepts and theories, he could build off of those and perhaps reconstruct what he had seen...

A small notebook and pencil were shoved under his nose, and Roy seized them both, cursing the precious seconds wasted flipping to a blank page. He barely took the time to notice and marvel at the fact that Ed had brought him his research notebook, already partway filled with idle hypotheses and sketches. Roy scribbled down a series of five arrays in record time, automatically making notations in coded shorthand. Equations that were nearly incomprehensible flowed from the tip of the pencil, reactions so unbelievably intricate that not even his master's work could compare. But he didn't bother to try and understand them, didn't have _time _to understand.

A bead of red fell into his line of sight and hit the paper, staining it a deep crimson. Another followed. Roy ignored it until Ed started scrubbing at the corner of his eye with the blanket. He swatted his hand away, snarling when the sheet again obscured his vision.

"You're _bleeding_, idiot!" Ed snapped, continuing his ministrations. It was only then that Roy noticed the pale pinkish tinge to his vision, the scorching rivers running down his cheeks. He watched numbly as three more drops of blood landed on his knuckles, aware that he should be concerned but unable to summon up the necessary emotion.

In the end it was easier to just keep writing, holding the little notebook at a distance to keep from ruining the arrays. In no time at all, a page was filled. Then another. And another. At some point Ed picked up one of the candles to give Roy light and drew the blanket over them both, pressing close to his side so he could watch the alchemy take form in captivation. The constant contact steadied Roy, allowing him to slow down and make sure he got everything down _right_.

His back was stiff and his hand cramped by the time the fount of knowledge within him ran out, and Roy tossed the pencil aside with a tired sigh.

"Done?" Ed murmured.

"Hardly," Roy said hoarsely, frustrated. "It's not even the half of what I saw. There was so much more..."

"And there always will be," Ed said sagely, deftly stacking all the papers and setting them on the nightstand,. He tapped Roy's head with a grin. "And at least it's in there now. In a tight spot, you'll remember what you saw and know exactly what array you need to help you."

"Like when you bound Al's soul," Roy said, and Ed nodded. He touched his own cheek and grimaced when his fingertips came away bloody. "Is this supposed to be my penalty?" he asked wryly.

"More like a warning," Ed said, still staring at him hollowly. "I thought that...well, I _knew _there was a chance the Gate could retaliate, but I figured..."

"You figured what?"

Ed gave an evasive shrug, fiddling with the candle in his hand. "I figured any rebound would hit me, not you. Since I'm the one who made it possible for you to...ow, _ow!_ The _hell,_ Mustang!"

Roy disregarded the hot wax that had spilled onto both their hands and jerked him closer. "_You!_ You don't think it might have been a good idea to tell me about that beforehand? What's the matter with you, Ed?"

"My hand is getting burned off is what's the matter—!"

"You don't _think,_" Roy hissed. "You don't ever think of the consequences, do you? What would I have done if the rebound _had _harmed you? What if you lost another limb, or if you had _died_ because of what we did? How the _hell_ would I have explained this to Al?"

Ed paled a bit. "I...I didn't even..."

"Of course you didn't," Roy said scathingly and had the satisfaction of seeing him cringe in proper chastisement. But a moment later Ed met his eyes again with that classic look of bold insolence. He snatched his hand back and abandoned the nest of blankets to retrieve his shirt and boxers from the floor, donning them with jerky, irate motions. Roy furrowed his brow at that, but stopped when that just made his eyes hurt more. It shouldn't have come as much of a surprise. It only made sense that Ed would want to step out the door as soon as the deed was done, to return to his brother, mission accomplished.

But it bothered him, somehow, this sudden withdrawal. The last thing Roy wanted was for Ed to just walk away and look back on this as nothing more than a...a transaction. Even in the grips of the Gate, he had never forgotten that it was Fullmetal in his arms—his loud, short-tempered, uncouth subordinate who had, intentionally or not, bared an entirely new side of himself tonight. Fierce and loyal, passionate and tender, and so damned caring that he would use his own body as a bargaining chip on the off-chance that doing so would protect someone he was terrified to lose.

How could one boy be so selfish and, at the same time, so _un_selfish?

Damn, was he crying? Roy ducked his head and swiped at his eye. No, just more blood. He covered his eyes with one hand and groped around for the pillow with the other, easing himself down slowly as his head began to spin. It didn't seem real to him, _none _of it did. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and put off trying to come to terms with this whole mess for a little while longer.

The bed dipped beside him, and Roy started a little when Ed nudged his hand away and began carefully mopping up the blood with a damp washcloth. When had he gone to get that?

"I thought you were leaving..."

"Like you could defend yourself in this state," Ed muttered. He shifted a little closer and, to Roy's amazement, lifted the blankets and lay down beside him. Steel fingers touched his cheek and traced the paths the bloody tears had taken. "Just...just for the night. Just to make sure you're okay. Didn't go through all this just so you could get killed cause you couldn't see your targets..."

"But you realize," Roy said sorrowfully, "that by doing this, you may have made a target out of me. You said yourself the homunculi are looking for alchemists who have seen the Gate."

Ed became very, very quiet at that. And, as Roy listened, his breaths became uneven, ragged. On impulse, he reached over and stroked a hand up and down his back, and that was all the invitation Ed needed to nestle closer and tuck his head under Roy's chin, shoulders heaving as he began to cry in earnest. The rag slipped down into a crumpled heap somewhere between them, momentarily lost.

Yet somehow—even with his eyes ruined, his mouth filled with the iron taint of blood, his subordinate weeping over his vanquished form—it still felt like victory. Ed's palm came to rest on his ribs, and Roy sensed something within him stir in recognition of another alchemist's touch, a second _pulse _that hadn't been there before. Like the glowing embers of a fire, it was dormant, but ready to flare to life at his call. He may have fallen and fallen _hard_, but thanks to Ed, Roy had brought a piece of the sun with him back to earth.

And maybe, just _maybe_, that little bit would be enough to protect this country and all the souls it contained.

"Al will wonder where you are," Roy murmured when Ed's sobs finally quieted to feeble sniffs.

Ed shivered at the reminder. "Don't know what I'll t-tell him. J-Just make something up, I g-guess..."

That was the last thing that was said for a long, long time. Hours passed them by as they lay there together, sheltered from the cold in each other's arms. Roy wasn't entirely sure if he slept or not. He may have dozed, only waking when the silvery light of dawn began to filter through the curtains and Ed's warmth suddenly vanished from his side. Roy tried to open his eyes, but the dried blood kept his lids stubbornly crusted together as he heard a sigh somewhere above him. "Goodbye, Colonel."

Roy rubbed his eyes frantically and finally pried them open in time to see Ed vanish through the door of his bedroom. He sat up as quickly as his aching body would allow and cast around for something to throw on so he could follow, just now remembering something else he had wanted to tell Ed before he left. But if he didn't catch him now then there was no telling when, or even if, they would see each other again, and Roy just _couldn't_ let him go until he had told him...

With nothing else in reach, Roy settled for yanking the duvet off the bed and holding it around his waist as he pursued his subordinate. By the time he caught up Ed had already shrugged on his coat and was making for the front door, tying his hair back in a messy ponytail as he went. How handy. Roy seized the trail of gold like a leash and tugged, earning a yelp and an indignant glare from the boy attached to it. "Hey, what are you—!"

Roy captured that protesting mouth with his own, catching even himself off guard with the ferocity of the kiss. He felt Ed's lips part beneath his, pliant and trusting in a way he hadn't been before, and his expression was one of blank surprise when Roy pulled back.

"You told me that I couldn't die," Roy said, stroking a thumb along his jaw. "And the same goes for you. You're still my subordinate and under direct orders not to die before me. Don't ever forget that."

For a long moment Ed just looked at him, realization dawning. Finally, he nodded. "I won't forget. I've got people counting on me too."

"Good."

"...I really do have to go now."

"I know," Roy said as he watched Ed open the door. "Just be careful and keep your guard up, and—"

"I'll come back, I promise," Ed cut in, giving him a quick, sly smile. "And even if I don't...at least I won't have died a virgin."

"You won't...died a _what?_" Roy barked, blanching. "Ed—!"

But Ed was already gone, sprinting down the hallway with a gleeful cackle. Roy cursed foully as he shut the door behind him. It had to be a joke, right? It was just Ed being a brat and yanking his superior's chain like he always did. For God's sake, the kid was almost sixteen and a fucking Adonis. Surely there had been _someone _by now. Besides, he had always thought Ed and that mechanic girl from Resembool...

Bradley's voice came back to him, poised and deadly._ That girl...what was her name? Ah yes, Winry Rockbell..._

Roy swiped some fog away from his living room window and caught a glimpse of Ed loping down the street, black coat flying behind him like a cape and blond hair so radiant that it rivaled the dawn. A trail of footprints snaked after the retreating figure, the only mark on the clean, white snow this early in the morning.

And then Roy understood. Or thought he did. He wasn't the only one Fullmetal had been trying to protect last night. The homunculi had been watching them all this time, for years now, always searching for weaknesses to exploit. At some point they must have reached the same tenuous conclusion as Roy about the two irate teens and decided the Rockbell girl would make the perfect hostage for Ed.

Well, if the homunculi were watching now, last night had certainly provided some evidence to the contrary. And now if they ever tried to use Roy to manipulate Ed instead...they would be in for a rude awakening when they found out that he, like Fullmetal, was no longer bound to the earth like the rest of the mortals.

"Well done, kid," Roy whispered. "Well done."

Maybe he sensed Roy's eyes on him, or maybe it was just some lingering concern that made Ed look back. But he paused for a brief moment and raised a hand in farewell, lips moving to frame three words. And while it looked a lot like _stay safe, idiot_, Roy liked to think he had said something else entirely.

_Stay safe...Icarus._

* * *

_A.N. Whether Roy and Ed actually get together after all is said and done...that's for the readers to decide. For now, I will return to my non-yaoi stories.  
_


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